You have been gone for a while now, and just when I think I am okay again something reminds me of you. The man whom I buy pecans from has your build and mannerisms. I eat pecans and I see you eating them with me.
I even dreamt of you the other day, and my heart broke all over again.
It's time for holiday baking and all I can think of is the time I made you a sweet potato pie, and the huge grin on your face when I gave it to you.
I went to eat breakfast at a hole in the wall restaurant the other morning, and thought of how much you would have loved it, and I also thought back on all mornings we had breakfast together.
I have come to the conclusion that I will never stop missing you, and my heart will never be whole again.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Existing with depression
I am writing this feeling like someone needs to know they are not alone when it comes to dealing with depression.
You see I have been dealing with depression most of my adult life, my medication was recently changed to another due to muscular pain associated with my diabetes. This threw my life and my emotions for a loop! I have been fatigued, have lost interest in the most simple things. At times I admit it takes everything I have to just get out of bed. This leads to me feeling guilty about not being "present" in the moments with my husband and daughter, and neglecting my duty to attend church and serve others. God tells us in his word that "Blessed is the one who has concern for helpless people. The Lord will rescue him in times of trouble." Psalm 41:1-2 (God's Word Translation)
You see I thought I was controlling my depression, instead it is controlling me, holding me in it's grip. I thought I was living with my depression, instead I was simply existing with it. I use the word existing because I was going through the motions of life, but not really engaging in life. I smiled when I felt I should, I laughed when I thought I should, and made jokes to avoid anyone knowing something was off.
In one of my dark moments this verse called to me "The Lord spoke his word to me saying: Before I made you in your Mother's womb, I chose you. Before you were born I set you apart for special work." Jeremiah 1:4-5 (God's Word Translation) It is this verse that has caused me to switch back to the lower dose of medication, and to find other ways to live with my depression, because that is what I am going to do, no more just existing for me!
It is my prayer that my depression helps me to reach out to others who are dealing with something similar so that they know they are not alone, may God Bless anyone who reads this!
~All My Love, Gloria
You see I have been dealing with depression most of my adult life, my medication was recently changed to another due to muscular pain associated with my diabetes. This threw my life and my emotions for a loop! I have been fatigued, have lost interest in the most simple things. At times I admit it takes everything I have to just get out of bed. This leads to me feeling guilty about not being "present" in the moments with my husband and daughter, and neglecting my duty to attend church and serve others. God tells us in his word that "Blessed is the one who has concern for helpless people. The Lord will rescue him in times of trouble." Psalm 41:1-2 (God's Word Translation)
You see I thought I was controlling my depression, instead it is controlling me, holding me in it's grip. I thought I was living with my depression, instead I was simply existing with it. I use the word existing because I was going through the motions of life, but not really engaging in life. I smiled when I felt I should, I laughed when I thought I should, and made jokes to avoid anyone knowing something was off.
In one of my dark moments this verse called to me "The Lord spoke his word to me saying: Before I made you in your Mother's womb, I chose you. Before you were born I set you apart for special work." Jeremiah 1:4-5 (God's Word Translation) It is this verse that has caused me to switch back to the lower dose of medication, and to find other ways to live with my depression, because that is what I am going to do, no more just existing for me!
It is my prayer that my depression helps me to reach out to others who are dealing with something similar so that they know they are not alone, may God Bless anyone who reads this!
~All My Love, Gloria
Monday, August 13, 2012
My thoughts on Chick-fil-a Scandel
I usually stay away from commenting on controversial issues such as equal rights for gay/lesbians/and transgendered, but this is something I fell I must add my two cents to. Yes Dan Cathy stated he believes in the Biblical meaning of marriage between one Man and one Woman, but have you ever heard of a Chik-Fil-A turning away customers due to their apparent sexual orientation, or for any other reason? No, they are a company based on Christian Beliefs- hence being closed on Sundays so that their employees can worship. And you are surprised that they follow biblical principles!
That being said I think people are missing the most important part in all of this God wants us to love others as he has loved us! John 13:34 " A new commandment I give to you,that you love one another just as I have loved you." (ESV).
That being said I think people are missing the most important part in all of this God wants us to love others as he has loved us! John 13:34 " A new commandment I give to you,that you love one another just as I have loved you." (ESV).
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Cooking/Baking
I have decided to try cooking and baking more nutritional foods, first stop granola bars. Stay tuned friends to see how this journey goes!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
A New Direction
After much praying and discussion between myself and my husband, our lives may be going in a very different direction.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Reflections
Since we buried my Grandfather a week ago I have been doing a lot of thinking.
I was amazed that the church was mostly full at his funeral mass which was held on a Wednesday morning. It made my heart smile to see how many lives he touched in his 75 years here on earth. I started thinking will it be like this when I go?
Let me tell you the answer was a big old probably not. It's not that I am a completely selfish person, it's just that I haven't done anything that could be called great or anything that could change a person's life. So now what?
I began to pray and I even started reading "You Are Made For More" by Lisa Osteen Comes. Here is what I have learned so far, no job is more important than being the best wife and mother I can be. This for my family means less money for anything extra, and my husband being the sole provider once again for our family (no pressure honey). This also means finding ways to help others in meaningful ways, and being strong for my husband when he is tired.
A good friend of ours (I will call him Bob) was in a motorcycle accident last Friday and never regained consciousness, his daughter (I will call her Catherine) had to make the hard decision to take Bob off of life support, what a hard decision for Catherine and her sister to have to make. Not only did they make that decision but Catherine also made the decision to donate Bobs organs, what an awesome lady! I want to be more like Catherine!
I was amazed that the church was mostly full at his funeral mass which was held on a Wednesday morning. It made my heart smile to see how many lives he touched in his 75 years here on earth. I started thinking will it be like this when I go?
Let me tell you the answer was a big old probably not. It's not that I am a completely selfish person, it's just that I haven't done anything that could be called great or anything that could change a person's life. So now what?
I began to pray and I even started reading "You Are Made For More" by Lisa Osteen Comes. Here is what I have learned so far, no job is more important than being the best wife and mother I can be. This for my family means less money for anything extra, and my husband being the sole provider once again for our family (no pressure honey). This also means finding ways to help others in meaningful ways, and being strong for my husband when he is tired.
A good friend of ours (I will call him Bob) was in a motorcycle accident last Friday and never regained consciousness, his daughter (I will call her Catherine) had to make the hard decision to take Bob off of life support, what a hard decision for Catherine and her sister to have to make. Not only did they make that decision but Catherine also made the decision to donate Bobs organs, what an awesome lady! I want to be more like Catherine!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
A New Journey
This past week as I was dealing with an illness, I had time to contemplate my life. That may sound as being a little dramatic,but what can I say I am a woman. (-; All joking aside I had several thoughts go through my mind, some good and some not so good.
I have been participating in a bible study of Proverbs 31 and what it means to be a biblical wife and mother (www.goodmorninggirls.org), since I was unable to get out of my bed this past week I felt just awe full for not being able to clean and cook for my husband and daughter I was feeling sorry for myself. My wonderful husband even came home from work early to help me out. Which made my pity party worse, I was even thinking that they would be better off with out me. I also started to feel that I was a horrible mother and wife. See not only was I sick this past week, I was also in a car accident on April 4th. I am still dealing with some of the aftermath of my accident like a sprained knee and cracked ribs, which you guessed it made it even worse. Finally I just began to pray, I told God that I knew he didn't want me to think this way, and I hated feeling this way. I also prayed that I could just start feeling better, that I was tired of being sick or injured. Then something great happened I not only started feeling better I started thinking better. God not only spoke to me to share my story but that he does have great things in store for me.
He first sent my nine year old daughter Marisol into my room to tell me how happy she was that I was her mommy and that I was the best mommy ever. He then sent my husband Kenneth in to yell at me to stop talking and thinking about how they would be better off without me. Finally, he sent my Girls of God ladies to post their thoughts and struggles in our online group. I started reading about the same things I was thinking and feeling from these wonderful ladies. I also read the other women lifting them up in prayer and encouraging each and everyone of them. I then realized two things: 1) I am not the only one thinking and feeling these things and 2) God places people into your life to help you when you need it, as long as you seek them as you seek him!
-Gloria
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