You see I have been dealing with depression most of my adult life, my medication was recently changed to another due to muscular pain associated with my diabetes. This threw my life and my emotions for a loop! I have been fatigued, have lost interest in the most simple things. At times I admit it takes everything I have to just get out of bed. This leads to me feeling guilty about not being "present" in the moments with my husband and daughter, and neglecting my duty to attend church and serve others. God tells us in his word that "Blessed is the one who has concern for helpless people. The Lord will rescue him in times of trouble." Psalm 41:1-2 (God's Word Translation)
You see I thought I was controlling my depression, instead it is controlling me, holding me in it's grip. I thought I was living with my depression, instead I was simply existing with it. I use the word existing because I was going through the motions of life, but not really engaging in life. I smiled when I felt I should, I laughed when I thought I should, and made jokes to avoid anyone knowing something was off.
In one of my dark moments this verse called to me "The Lord spoke his word to me saying: Before I made you in your Mother's womb, I chose you. Before you were born I set you apart for special work." Jeremiah 1:4-5 (God's Word Translation) It is this verse that has caused me to switch back to the lower dose of medication, and to find other ways to live with my depression, because that is what I am going to do, no more just existing for me!
It is my prayer that my depression helps me to reach out to others who are dealing with something similar so that they know they are not alone, may God Bless anyone who reads this!
~All My Love, Gloria
